In the last 2o days, I've worked very hard to un-do 50% of the items i had in the last blog. I did this because I wasn't being honest with myself.

No relationship
no 2nd dog
no issues with the dishes
no worrying about someone else's needs/ feelings.

After realizing that i had not completed one single piece of art since October and that i had not had a real conversation about art, music, culture... or anything serious and interesting to me... i knew that i had to change something. I couldn't think of what to do except to start hauling the crap out of my life and my apt. Less stuff. No co-habitating. No one else to think about, except me. Prior to this, i've never felt so out of control in my life. I feel like i just put my life in someone else's hands and walked away.

I lived in sin for only 4 months, but i've gained an interesting insight that i wish i could share with an old friend. I had the breath squeezed out of my space. I knew what it was like on the other end finally. I understood what it was like to only have a certain amount to give, while the other person wanted more. I felt panic-y and was constantly on the verge of running out the door. I never understood. But I do now.

No comments: